you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he puts the penis in happiness.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
