If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
