I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
