Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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