it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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