I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
