i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
two words...techno handjob
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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