I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
