Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
