hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
