remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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