I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
