please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
