i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
