He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
