you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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