don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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