I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
