Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish you could order shots online.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
