Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
