where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
