I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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