Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
