You're my little dorito
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
