You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
