Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
