Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize