I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
