It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
