Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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