I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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