I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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