i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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