is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
