I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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