Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
