he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
