My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
