i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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