I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
