Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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