so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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