its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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