When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I could make wine with my vomit
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
