I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize