im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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