I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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