Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
