if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize