Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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