He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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