i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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