The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
