got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
