I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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