I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
