I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
