There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
