Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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