you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
