I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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