my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
