im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
