An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
