True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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