i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
