I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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