He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
