so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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